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Annoying Orange – April Fool’s Gold (transcript)

Agustus 22, 2015

Pear: Guys, guys, guys! Fantastic news! I just won the lottery!
Midget Apple: Neato burrito! You should buy a yacht!
Marshmallow: You should buy a puppy!
(Liam the Leprechaun appears)
Liam: You should buy some gold! Hahaha!
Pear: (groans) Liam, go away. It’s not even Saint Patty’s Day.
Marshmallow: It’s not? Awww…
Liam: Oh, come on, Pear, you know me motto: if there’s gold to be found, Liam’s around!
Pear: Actually, Liam, I didn’t win the lottery.
Marshmallow: Aw, nuts.
Pear: Happy April Fools’ Day! (laughs)
Marshmallow: Yay!
Midget Apple: (groans)
Liam: (groans) April Fools’ Day prank, you say?! Well, that’s not funny! You made this leprechaun very angry, AND I WILL HELP MY REVENGE! (disappears)
Pear: Hm, I wonder how he’s gonna get his revenge.
(Liam returns, disguised as Orange)
Liam: Hey, hey guys, hey! Liam sent me to annoy you! Hahaha! (trills tongue, flutters lips like a motorboat engine, makes stupid tongue noises)
Pear: (groans deeply)
(title card)
Liam: Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold…
Pear: (groans) Orange, maybe you can take it easy this April Fools’ Day. I think everyone would really appreciate it.
Liam: OK. And to show my appreciation, I got you guys a gift!
Lime: Dibs.
Pear: Uh… remember, Lime, Orange loves April Fools’ Day, so be careful.
(Lime opens the gift, revealing it to be fruit flies)
Lime: Aw man, fruit flies?! I should’ve known!
Pear: (screams)
Liam: April Fools! (laughs) Hey, why aren’t you guys laughing?
Pear: Because it wasn’t really a prank. It was just kind of mean.
Liam: Are you kidding? That was the GOLD standard of April Fools pranks. (laughs) Hey, hey Zucchini, hey!
Zucchini: What?
Liam: Pull my finger!
Zucchini: Uh, you don’t have a finger.
Liam: Oh, yeah. Well, just pull this rope instead.
Zucchini: Couldn’t hurt. (Zucchini pulls the rope, resulting in him squashed)
Squash: Ewww!
Liam: April Fools! (laughs)
Midget Apple: I agree with Pear. That was just plain mean.
Liam: Aye you, Watermelon! Aye you! Aye! Aye you!
Watermelon: Um, why are you saying “aye you” instead of “hey you”?
Liam: Because, Au is the periodic symbol for gold. (laughs)
Watermelon: OK, that doesn’t really answer anything, but…
Liam: Aye! Aye, Watermelon, aye!
Watermelon: WHAT?!
Liam: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Watermelon: (straightforward) I don’t know, why?
Liam: Knife!
(Watermelon screams and gets knifed. Pear screams)
Liam: (laughs maniacally)
Pear: Oh, why?
Liam: Aw, come on. That was certified gold! (laughs)
Pear: Wait a second. Why are you referencing gold so much?
Midget Apple: And why are there suddenly… TWO of you?
(the real Orange comes along)
Orange: And why do you smell like corned beef and cabbage?
Liam: Um… um… mmm… (shakes, reveals his real self) Aw crap, you’ve got me!
Midget Apple: It’s Liam in disguise!
Marshmallow: Yay! I love tricksters!
Pear: No wonder why Orange’s pranks were meaner than usual.
Orange: He might have poor taste in pranks, but he has great taste in costumes! (laughs)
Pear: Liam, what is this all about?
Orange: The Hokey Pokey! That’s what it’s all about~ (laughs)
Liam: It’s sad that everyone forgets about old Liam when Saint Patrick’s Day is done. I just wanted to get to know about April Fools’ Day fun at all. You know, make some friends? Have a few laughs? Hahaha.
Pear: Well, being mean isn’t the way to win us over.
Orange: Easy, guys. When it comes to pranking, Liam’s a little green. (laughs)
Pear: Look, Liam. We could tell you about the magic of April Fools’ Day, or… you could just pull this rope!
Liam: Boy, that sounds altogether too easy… wait a second. That’s the oldest trick in the book!
Orange: Oh. Well, how about you just pull my finger? (holds a cardboard finger)
Liam: Huh. Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt. (gets caged) AW, TRAP!
Orange: (laughs) April Fools’ Day! (laughs) You’re the fool. Get it? Ha!
Liam: Curses! Magicproof bars! (growls) I’m gonna get out of here, Orange, and what I’d do, I’m gonna–
Orange: Do the Hokey Pokey?
Liam: No, I’m gonna–
Orange: Put your right hand in and you’ll shake it all about?
Liam: NOBODY’S TALKING ABOUT THE HOKEY POKEY!
Orange: I don’t know. I sure am.
Liam: Oh. I wonder what this one does. (pulls rope, gets squashed) Ah!
Squash: Ewww!
Orange: Haha! Now that was April Fool’s Gold. (laughs) Gold puns.

Cast:
– Orange
– Pear
– Midget Apple
– Marshmallow
– Liam the Leprechaun
– Lime
– Zucchini
– Watermelon
– Squash (recurring)

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