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Annoying Orange – Cruel as a Cucumber

September 28, 2015

(title card)
Orange: Hey, hey Cucumber!
(scene changes to a cucumber wearing a black jacket and a pair of sunglasses)
Cucumber: Yeah, Orange?
Orange: Hey, are we cool?
Cucumber: Yeah. Yeah, we’re cool.
Orange: Hey, hey Cucumber, hey!
Cucumber: What’s up, Orange?
Orange: Are we still cool?
Cucumber: Yeah, we’re cool.
Orange: Hey, hey Cucumber!
Cucumber: Yeah?
Orange: Still cool?
Cucumber: Oh, yeah. We are coolio.
Orange: (Oh, man. Cucumber is so cool. I really want him to like me. What do I have to do to make him like me? (sighs))
(Orange’s conscience appears)
Orange: Whoa? What are you guys?
Angel Orange: We’re you!
Orange: But I’m me.
Devil Orange: And we’re here to help.
Orange: Yaaay!
Devil Orange: Hey, hey Orange!
Orange: Hey, Devil Orange!
Devil Orange: You should tell Cucumber his mother’s a pickle. (laughs)
Orange: Good idea, Devil Orange!
Angel Orange: Oh no, Orange, you can’t tell him that.
Orange: I can’t?
Angel Orange: No, you should ask Cucumber, “Why the long face?” (laughs)
Orange: Good one, Angel Orange.
Devil Orange: What? No way. Look at him, Orange. You have to show one of your awesome tricks. How about you spit some seeds at him?
Orange: Oooh, even better.
Angel Orange: Seeds won’t work. You need to tell him that he looks green with envy. (laughs)
Orange: It’s funny because he is green.
Devil Orange: No, here’s– here’s what you do, Orange. Just tell him that–
Angel Orange: Hey pal, how about you stop horning in?
Devil Orange: Geez, what kind of wingman are you?
Angel Orange: Nice fork, dude. Is that for salad or dinner? (laughs)
Devil Orange: Hey, hey Angel. Somebody’s using your head for ring toss. (laughs)
Angel Orange: You’re an apple.
Devil Orange: No, you’re an apple.
Angel Orange: No, you’re an apple.
Devil Orange: You’re an apple.
Angel Orange: You’re an apple.
AnO and DeO: Apple, apple, apple, apple… (laughs)
Orange: Geez, I’m getting a headache.
Cucumber: Yo, Orange. You OK, man?
Orange: What? Yeah, yeah, I’m cool. I’m cool. (laughs) I’m cool.
Cucumber: (dark laughs) Cool.
Orange: Cool.
Cucumber: Cool.
Orange: Cooool.
Cucumber: Cool.
Orange: Cooooooool.
Cucumber: Cool.
Orange: Knife.
(Dane Boedigheimer cuts Cucumber into pieces)
Cucumber: (screams) Oh, my God! My head!
Orange: Cucumber, you really got yourself in a pickle. (he, AnO, and DeO laugh) Oooh, ow.
(Cucumber dies)
Orange: Bummer. I really liked Cucumber. He was cool. Hmmm, now what?
Orange, AnO, and DeO: Hey, Pear!
Pear: Oh, not again.

– Orange
– Cucumber
– Angel Orange (AnO)
– Devil Orange (DeO)
– Pear

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