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Jokes only a physics nerd will understand

September 29, 2015

Only Mr. Wahyu or Ms. Elderana will understand these jokes.

  1. Schroedinger’s d**k in a box is both erect and flaccid.
  2. Please conserve energy; turn off the lights!
    Joke’s on you. Energy is always conserved.
  3. Write the first and second laws of thermodynamics.
    First rule of thermodynamics is you do not talk about thermodynamics.
    Second rule of thermodynamics is you do not talk about thermodynamics.
  4. Velociraptor = distraptor/timeraptor
  5. What did the subatomic particle say to the duck?
    “Quark, quark.”
  6. It’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force.
  7. May the mass times acceleration be with you.
  8. A 3 kg object is released from rest at a height of 5 m on a curved frictionless ramp. At the foot of the ramp is a spring of force constant k = 100 N/m. The object slides down the ramp and into the spring, compressing it a distance x before coming to rest.
    (a) Find x.
    (b) Does the object continue to move after it comes to rest? If yes, how high will it go up the slope before it comes to rest?
    Answers:
    (a) U = 3(9,81)(5)=147,15
    (b) No. There is an elephant in the way.
  9. It’s not the Vf = Vi + a.t that kills you. It’s the F = mΔV/ΔT.
  10. It MHz (megahertz)…
    Megahertz = mega hurts
  11. My favorite frequency is 50,000 Hz. You’ve probably never heard it before.
  12. I found the hugs bison.
  13. Physics gang sign. Index finger = a; middle finger = b, thumb = a.b
  14. A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?” It replies, “I don’t have any. I’m travelling light.”
  15. You pull a 15,0 kg crate up a ramp 30 degree ramp at constant speed. The height at advantage from the ramp is 2,0 m. If the 15 kg crate has a weight of 150 Newtons, how much work do you have to do to move the crate up the ramp? Show your work clearly.
    No work. The crane will move it for me.
  16. Favorite Physics Joke:
    So Schroedinger and Heisenberg were driving down the motorway when a cop pulls them over.
    He walked up to the window and asked, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
    Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know exactly where I was.”
    The cop, thinking such a weird response deserved further investigation, told Heisenberg to open the boot of the car. He looked in and saw a dead cat.
    “Do you know there’s a dead cat in here?!” he shouted.
    Schroedinger replied, “Well, I do now!”

I’m not a MIA kid since physics requires a LOT of counting. I’d ask Fiki if he was a Centaurian; he’s an expert in physics and economics.

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