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Annoying Orange – Magnet Madness (transcript)

Oktober 4, 2015

Orange: Hey, hey you! Hey! You, hey you!
Grapefruit: Orange, who you talking to?
Orange: I’m trying to talk to you!
Grapefruit: Oh, OK, well, here I am.
Orange: No, not you. You!
Pear: Who? Me?
Orange: No.
Grapefruit: So, then it is me?
Orange: No! You’re not you.
Grapefruit: What? You’re saying that I haven’t been myself lately. Impossible!
Pear: Orange, who the heck are you talking to?
Orange: I’m trying to talk to you?
Grapefruit: Him, or me?
Orange: I’m talking to you!
Grapefruit: So talk to me!
Orange: No! Not you. YOUUUU! [referring to the U-shaped magnet sticking to the fridge]
Grapefruit: Oh, my God.
U-shaped Magnet: Guys, I think I know what the confusion is.
Orange: You! Hey, you! Hey!
Pear: Ahhhh. Mystery solved.
Grapefruit: Pooh. I was really teetering on the edge of insanity for a second.
U-shaped Magnet: So after all that, what was you wanted to tell me, Orange?
Orange: What the–? Hm… I forgot! (laughs)
U-shaped Magnet: (laughs)
Orange: (laughs)
A-shaped Magnet: What’s everyone laughing about?
U-shaped Magnet: Uh, great. Here comes A.
A-shaped Magnet: Better not be laughing about me. Because when it comes to me, there’s nothing to laugh about. Because I’m A. As in awesome.
Pear: Doesn’t A also stand for applesauce? Does this mean that you’re applesauce too?
U-shaped Magnet, Orange, and Pear: (laugh)
A-shaped Magnet: No, it doesn’t!
Orange: (laughs)
U-shaped Magnet: (laughs)
A-shaped Magnet: Stop it! Stop laughing at me!
Orange: Easy, A. Maybe you should get checked for irritable “vowel” syndrome. (laughs)
A-shaped Magnet: That’s not even a real thing!
Pear: (laughs)
A-shaped Magnet: You guys better show some respect. You’ll notice that I was chosen, yet again, to display the A+ homework assignment.
U-shaped Magnet: Yeah. We know.
A-shaped Magnet: Keep it down, Granny Magnet. Maybe one day they’ll pick you to display something that’s an actual achievement.
U-shaped Magnet: They will! Someday. You’ll see!
C-shaped Magnet: Yo, somebody call for a C?
A-shaped Magnet: Actually no, but I’m glad you’re here. So I can ridicule your mediocrity. Let’s see, question #5, what is the square root of 9? (laughs) That’s so easy. How do they even miss that? Why would they even opt to display such ineptitude to the world? (laughs)
C-shaped Magnet: I don’t know, A. But I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.
A-shaped Magnet: Because you’re average at best, or in this case, slightly below. That’s why! (laughs)
Y-shaped Magnet: Yo, somebody call for a Y?
A-shaped Magnet: No, but since you’re here…
U-shaped Magnet: Shut up, A!
Y-shaped Magnet: (gasps)
C-shaped Magnet: (gasps)
A-shaped Magnet: I’m sorry. What did you say?
U-shaped Magnet: Um, nothing.
A-shaped Magnet: No. I definitely heard something. What was it, you little dip?!
Pear: Go on, you! Stand up to him!
U-shaped Magnet: No, he’s right. I’m literally a little dip.
Orange: I guess that’s one way to look at it. I prefer to think of you as a “great depression”. (laughs)
A-shaped Magnet: I’m waiting, you.
U-shaped Magnet: I said… I said, you should shut up!
Pear: O!!!!!
A-shaped Magnet: Don’t make me come over there, you!
U-shaped Magnet: I’d like to see you try. I’ll kick your A!
Y-shaped Magnet: Ohhh!
A-shaped Magnet: What? You will not kick my A. I’m the one who does that! That’s my thing. Oh, you’re going down, you. I’m gonna– Huh? Oh no!
Pear: What just happened?
C-shaped Magnet: A dropped his homework!
Orange: I saw it coming a mile away. He doesn’t strike me as a very “mag-netic” personality! (laughs)
A-shaped Magnet: Wait, I was distracted. I didn’t mean to drop it. You could trust me to hold it up. Come on, give old A another chance.
Pear: What’s happening now?
C-shaped Magnet: It’s a reassignment, look sharp.
(Daneboe puts A’s homework in U’s space)
U-shaped Magnet: I– I did it! I got the A+ paper!
Pear: Hooray!
Orange: Hooray!
Y-shaped Magnet: Hooray!
A-shaped Magnet: I bet they’re reassigning me to the A++ paper as we speak. (Daneboe puts the granny picture in A’s space) Grandma Ruth?! Come on!
Orange and Pear: (laugh)
A-shaped Magnet: Stop laughing!
Orange: Hey, A! You hold Grandma real good. Don’t “letter” drop! (laughs)
A-shaped Magnet: (growls) That’s it. You’re going down, Orange. I’m gonna punch your nose into your face.
Orange: I don’t have a nose.
A-shaped Magnet: Well, I’ll do something else then. I’ll, gah– Ah, I’ll–
Orange: Slam?
A-shaped Magnet: Yeah! I’ll slam your face into the ground or something.
Orange: No! Slam!
A-shaped Magnet: Huh?
U-shaped Magnet: Hold on tight, boys!
A-shaped Magnet: Wait-wait-wait, I’m not ready! Gaaaahhh!!! (fell from the fridge door that just slammed shut)
C-shaped Magnet: A just fell into the space underneath the fridge!
Y-shaped Magnet: No magnets ever came out of that hole.
Orange: Sounds like the perfect place for such an A-hole. (laughs)
A-shaped Magnet: What are you laughing about? Better not be me! (coughs) I just swallowed a dust bunny.

Cast:
– Orange
– Pear
– Grapefruit
– UCAY (U, C, A, and Y-shaped magnets)

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