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Annoying Orange – HOW2: How to survive on a deserted island (transcript)

Juni 2, 2016

All rights belong to Daneboe Productions.

Orange: It’s time for HOW2! Pear, what do we have for the fruit lovers this week?
Pear: L Wright wants to know how to survive in case you find yourself stranded on a deserted island.
Orange: Mm-mm-mm, sounds delicious! I love me some dessert!
Pear: That’s NOT what that means, dude.
Orange: (laughing)
Pear: So, here’s what you do. First, take care of the big 3 survival basics; food, water, and shelter.
Orange: For shelter, check in for the nearest hotel. Well, so long as it doesn’t look too seedy, then, order some dessert!
Pear: Orange! There are no hotels on a deserted island.
Orange: Huh?
Pear: Yeah. That’s what makes it DESERTED! You have to figure out how to survive with no help, no amenities, no fresh water…
Orange: Oh, gotcha! Wait – so how do you get fresh water?
Pear: I’m glad you asked. You can use large, broad leaves to catch rainfall for one thing; it actually, when things get really dire, some people have been known to stave off dehydration by drinking their own urine.
Orange: (laughing) What? Drink your own pee? Why would you do that? (laughing)
Pear: When your choice is between dying or drinking your own urine, I think it becomes a pretty easy decision.
Orange: No kidding it’s easy. I choose dying ten times out of ten! (laughing maniacally)
Pear: I guess that’s your own decision to make. But I wasn’t planning on spending this much time discussing urine-drinking! Maybe we can go onto another topic?
Orange: Sure thing, Pear! When you gotta go, you gotta go. (laughing)
Pear: (growling) Anyway, once you’ve gotten creative in taking care of your immediate survival, it’s time to get–
Orange: Drink your own pee?
Pear: NO!
Orange: (laughing) Sorry. That was the last one! I promise.
Pear: Now as I was saying, it’s time to worry about getting saved. You have two choices; either stay on the island and hope someone finds you, or, leave the island in hopes of finding help.
Orange: If you decide to stay, gather sticks to make a message in the sand!
Pear: That’s right! This way, planes and helicopters can see you’re in distress and save you.
Orange: Or you can just make ’em laugh.
Pear: What?
Orange: Blowing a plan can get really boring, so feel free to spice up the day with a knock-knock joke or a picture of an elephant’s butt.
Pear: Orange!
Orange: (laughing) I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Just write the word “HELP”, and then go drink some of your pee!
Pear: DUUUDE, you are ruining this video!
Orange: (laughing)
Pear: Now there’s enough wood on the island, you may be able to fashion a raft.
Orange: And if there are palm fronds, you might be able to weave a basket!
Pear: Uh- oh, OK.
Orange: And if you weave it really well, you might even be able to get a receptacle to hold rainwater!
Pear: That’s true!
Orange: Or your own pee!
Pear: ORANGE!
Orange: (laughing) What, it’s true!
Pear: This is the last time I try to teach you something new!
Orange: Alright, I’ll stop now. I can see URINE a bad mood! (laughing)
Pear: (growling)
Orange: I’m serious. I just want to see you HAP-PEE! (laughing)
Pear: Hah! That’s it, leave me alone!
Orange: What? Come back, Pear!
Pear: No!
Orange: Come on! I think you’re number one!
Pear: (grumbling)
Orange: (laughing) Pee jokes!

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