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Annoying Orange – Foreign Exchange Foodent (transcript)

Mei 30, 2017

All rights belong to Daneboe.

(Orange and his friends are playing cards)

Passion: Got any threes?
Orange: Go fish!
Midget Apple: Liar. I can see a three right there in your hand!
Orange: No! Fish!
(a Swedish fish candy with blonde hair comes in to play)
Sven: Hey-de, hi-de, ho-de. I am Sven, the Swedish fish. I am here as a foreign exchange student.
Passion: (gasps) That accent. It’s– it’s just so–
Orange: Weird?
Midget Apple: Over the top?
Pear: Potentially culturally insensitive?
Passion: It’s so sexy.
Orange: Huh? (record scratches)
Sven: Since I am so new to your kitchen, I was hoping someone might be willing to show me around.
Strawberry: Hi, volunteer.
Grapefruit: Guys. I think we need to get accents.

(title card)

Midget Apple: What accent are you studying, Orange?
Orange: I’m gonna go with Russian. (faking Russian accent) It sounds so tough. Quite manly. (laughs)
Midget Apple: I’m studying French. Girls LOVE the French accent! That’s why I’ve brought in a vocal coach. (shows a French fry with a beret and French persona)
French Fry Vocal Coach: Oui, oui, let us begin.
Midget Apple: Hello. My name is Little Apple.
French Fry Vocal Coach: Stress ze O’s. Loosen your jaw. Pretend your tongue is made of jelly, uh?
Midget Apple: (unclear) Hello. My name is Little Apple.
French Fry Vocal Coach: More with ze O’s, less intelligible. Imagine your whole mouth is soupy nonsense, uh? Mwah.
Midget Apple: (babbles)
French Fry Vocal Coach: Now I have no clue what you’re even trying to say. You’re finally getting French, uh?
Midget Apple: (grunts)
Grapefruit: I’m going with Canadian ’cause it’s sooo easy.
Pear: Let’s hear it!
Grapefruit: I’m doing it right now!
Midget Apple: That’s not an accent. That’s just your normal voice.
Grapefruit: Exactly. The Canadian accent sounds exactly like ours, except for one word. See if you can guess which one. My name is Grapefruit. I’m a Libra, and I love weightlifting. But enough aboot (about) me, let’s talk aboot you.
Midget Apple: What’s with Canadians and boots anyway?
Orange: It’s really cold out there, so winter boots are constantly on their minds! (laughs)
Grapefruit: What aboot you, Pear? What accent are you gonna use to impress the ladies?
Pear: I don’t know. Maybe Australian?
Midget Apple: Oooh, that’s a good one!
Grapefruit: Might even win over some guy with an Australian accent. (chuckles)
Orange: Let’s hear it, Pear!
Pear: (rural Australian accent) Aye, mate! Put another shrimp on the barbie! (record scratches)
Midget Apple: Um… that’s horrible.
Grapefruit: Not even close, dude.
Pear: I’ll have the blooming onion, please!
Midget Apple: Colder! Definitely colder!
Pear: Tie me kangaroo down, sport!
Grapefruit: Pear, do everyone a favor, and never attempt an accent ever again.
Pear: Yeah, sounds like a plan.
Orange: Oh, they’re coming back! Everyone, get your accents ready!
(Sven comes back with the ladies)
Sven: I had any idea the foods in American kitchens were all as beautiful as this. I would have come much sooner. (ladies giggle)
Orange: (Russian accent) Hello, Passion!
Passion: Orange, what’s wrong with your voice?
Orange: Nothing wrong. I make conversation in normal fashion.
Passion: Is there something stuck in your esophagus?
Midget Apple: Bonjour, ladies!
Orange’s sister: What?
French Fry Vocal Coach: Make your mouth soupier.
Midget Apple: Bonjour!
Orange’s sister: I have no idea what you’re saying.
French Fry Vocal Coach: Soupier, you fool!
Midget Apple: Bonsoiiir!
Grapefruit: You know, Sven, I’ve lived in the kitchen my whole life, I’d be happy to tell you anything you’d like to know aboot it.
Passion: What’s going on? Why are you guys talking so weird?
Pear: Crikey! Look at that wallaby!
Passion: Ugh, come on. These boys are being weird.
Sven: It was a pleasure to meet you.
Orange: Bye, Sven! See you aboot! (laughs)
Grapefruit: Hey, that’s my accent, dude! Stop stepping on my game!
Orange: No! Boot!
Sven: Huh? (screams as a boot squishes him flat. Passion gasps. Strawberry falls off the counter to death)
Orange: (screams)
Sven: I– I’m OK. My vocal cords appear to have been crushed. However, I guess this is my new voice now?
Passion: Ugh.
Sven: So, what part of the kitchen would you ladies like to show me next?
Orange’s sister: Um… maybe you should show yourself around.
Passion: Yeah, bye.
Pear: Crikey. Welcome to the club, man.
Grapefruit: Dude, just no.
Pear: Yeah, I’m sorry.

Cast:
– Dane Boedigheimer as Orange, Pear, Midget Apple
– Kevin Brueck as Sven the Swedish Fish and French Fry Vocal Coach
– Bobjenz as Grapefruit
– iJustine as Passion Fruit
– Jess Lizama as Orange’s sister and Strawberry

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